Which Deceased Loved Ones Come Through During a Mediumship Session?

by Anne Reith, Ph.D.
Silhousettes of deceasesd family members in front of light
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Silhouettes of deceased family members in front of light

Can you expect a specific deceased loved one to come through during a mediumship session?

When consulting a medium, it is very common for clients to have one specific “longed for” deceased loved one that they want to connect with.

I’m please to report that most of the time, the specific deceased loved one will come through.  However, the “longed for” connection may not happen.

Contrary to popular belief, mediums actually have no control over which souls will come through during a reading. It’s actually the client’s guides who serve as the “gatekeeper” and determine which deceased loved one(s) will be conveying messages to the client that day.

What are the reasons why a specific deceased loved one doesn’t come through?

It is always disappointing when the “longed for” loved one doesn’t make an appearance. I understand! This has sometimes happened to me when I’ve received readings.

My guides and those on the other side have explained that there are many different reasons why a specific deceased loved one may not appear. In the sections below, I will present some of the most common reasons.

NOTE: Be sure to see the last section of this Blog post for a “trick” that may increase the chance that the “longed for” deceased loved one will be present during your reading.

REASON #1: A different deceased loved one needs to come through for an important reason

One of the reasons that the “longed for” deceased loved one doesn’t come through is that the person’s guides determine that there are other priorities. It could be that they know the client needs to hear from a different deceased loved one, or sometimes it’s important that the client receive messages from one of their spiritual support team (e.g., angel, archangel, guide, ascended master).

What might be so important? It may be that the angel, guide, or deceased loved one has an important message that needs to be conveyed that will help the client cope with a current or future issue. Another interesting occurrence is when there is a deceased loved one that has a message, but the message isn’t for the client. It is for someone that the client knows.

When REASON #1 happens, I have found that there is often a sense of “urgency” from the entity that comes during the reading. The reason for that urgency almost always becomes clear as the messages are conveyed, and often the client will admit that this was very important for them to hear.

Depending on the length of the appointment, there may be enough time for the “longed for” deceased loved to then come through. However, the client’s guides are still the “gatekeepers,” so there really is no way to know for sure who will come through.

REASON #2: A “special” deceased loved one may need to come through first

REASON #2 is related to REASON #1. In this case, the client’s guides determine that before the “longed for” deceased loved one comes through, another spiritual entity or deceased loved one needs to come first. Their role is to “prepare the way.”

This often will happen when client fits one or both of the following descriptions:

  • The client has never worked with a medium before.
  • The client and the “longed for” deceased loved one had a complicated relationship.

In my experience, the entity that comes through is almost always a deceased loved one who played a very loving and nurturing role in the client’s life. For example, even though the client may want to hear from their recently deceased father, their maternal grandmother may come through first. The grandmother may have helped raise the client during childhood and holds a very special place in the client’s heart.

Among other things, having the client connect with this trusted deceased loved one can do the following:

  • Allows the client time to become comfortable with receiving a mediumship reading.
  • Helps the client learn how mediumship readings work.
  • Gives the client time to trust that what is happening is “real.”
  • Allows the client to feel loved before connecting with a deceased loved one that may bring up painful emotions.

REASON #3: The deceased loved one needs more time to heal

Once a soul leaves their Earthly body and crosses into the Light, some souls are fully restored to their spiritual selves and ready to communicate with those they have left behind. However, some souls need time in the Light to heal before they have the energy to communicate with us.

Here are some of the most common reasons that a soul might need time to heal before connecting with those they left behind.

  • A Long and/or Painful Death Process: When this happens, sometimes they have very little life force energy remaining by the time they cross into the Light. They may not have strength to communicate with the medium, and they need time to “re-fill their spiritual wells.”
  • A Very Difficult Lifetime: This can include long-term illnesses, lifetime of mental health problems, severe poverty, being the survivor of long-term or severe abuse/violence, and many other situations. As with the category above, they may need time to regain their strength. Depending on the circumstances involved, they may also need time to understand what happened to them.
    • Suicide: A subcategory of living a difficult life are those souls that contributed to their own passing in some way. There is usually a long-term history of depression, even if they died relatively young. Regardless of the method of passing, these souls are handled with extreme care. Click here to read more about this topic. Before communicating with loved ones who were left behind, these loved ones almost always need more time to understand what happened. This is partly so the soul is ready to address the most common questions that come up during these mediumship readings; namely, (a) why did they make this choice and (b) was there anything we could have done that would have stopped you from making this choice.
  • Death Was Unexpected: This can include sudden death (e.g., massive heart attack) or dying in a traumatic way (e.g., violence, accident). These souls sometimes need time and assistance in understanding what happened to them.
  • Souls Who Weren’t “Nice”: Let me cut to the chase on this topic: Contrary to the belief of some organized religions (and even some mediums), ALL souls go to the Light. There is no hell or purgatory. I’ve been repeatedly told by the other side that these are man-made concepts that were created in order to control the behavior of others. However, if a soul has inflicted great or repeated harm on others during their lifetime, then they are often handled differently than those who primarily made choices to treat others with respect and compassion. Those who have inflicted great or repeated harm are usually assigned special guides who will help them with the following:
    • Gain an understanding of the pain they have inflicted on others.
    • Begin to understand the Karmic debt they may need to “pay back” and how to do that.
    • Be educated about the type of reactions they will likely receive and how to respond to those left behind. For example, the people they have hurt may not want to hear from them and/or may need to express very painful emotions.

In summary, the “longed for” deceased loved one may not be ready to convey messages of love and healing to those who were left behind. It’s likely that they will be ready to communicate once they have had more time to heal.

NOTE: This is one of the reasons why some mediums require at least months to have passed before allowing a client to sit for a mediumship reading. But for some souls, even 2 months isn’t long enough. We have to be patient with their healing process.

Other reasons why the “longed for” loved one doesn’t come through

There are actually many additional reasons why a “specific “longed for” deceased loved one (a) may not be able to come through or (b) may not choose to come through during a reading.

Some of these additional reasons include:

  • Frequency of Readings:
    • The “longed for” deceased loved one may have recently come through during another reading. Because of this, they step aside so that another deceased loved one has an opportunity to connect with the client.
    • The “longed for” deceased loved one may have recently come through during another reading, and either the deceased loved one or the client’s guides are concerned that the client is spending too much time focusing on the person who has died rather than grieving and moving in the direction of living their life fully on the Earth plane. (NOTE: This is another reason why some mediums require at least 2 months to have passed before allowing a client to sit for a reading. If readings begin too soon, then the client can become dependent on readings and not complete a normal, healthy grief process.)
  • To Protect You: The deceased loved one, in consultation with the client’s guides, may know that you are too emotionally raw to engage in a reading in a healthy way.  From their spiritual perspective, they can see that to connect at this time would be too overwhelming and cause major disruption in the person’s life.  Readings are meant to be healing experiences. They never want to make the person’s life more unmanageable.
    • The Medium: This is one of the ways in which the other side sometimes chooses to protect you. Communication with any soul that has crossed to the Light requires that a medium be able to connect with and accurately convey messages from a specific soul. Although the medium may be able to connect with some of your deceased loved ones, Spirit may know that this medium isn’t the right person to connect with your “longed for” loved one. There are many possible reasons for this (e.g., being unable to convey their message clearly or in a compassionate manner). Again, souls only want to help and never want to cause harm. Therefore, they decide to wait for another opportunity.
  • The Soul Is Busy: Once we cross to the other side, we actually live very full, active lives. For example, many of us have responsibilities and jobs to fulfill. We also are eager to learn new things, have relationships with other souls, enjoy our leisure time, and plan our next incarnation. I have lost count of the number of times I’ve heard from those on the other side that they wish they could have been there during a past mediumship reading, but they had other obligations at that time.

Learning to trust that spirit knows best

As a medium, I wish I could bring through exactly who my clients want to hear from. However, I have learned to trust that Spirit always knows best who needs to come through during a reading with a specific medium. 

They also know the best order in which deceased loved ones should appear.  The person’s guides are very wise, and their #1 priority is to ALWAYS do what is best for the client! 

It’s all about learning to trust that Spirit really does know best!

A TRICK: How to prepare for a mediumship session

I always recommend that my mediumship clients (and students) take a little time before the session (or class) to mentally invite the “longed for” deceased loved one to be present during a reading. 

Although there are no guarantees, this can increase the chance that special soul will come through. Those on the other side repeatedly tell me that they appreciate the invitation, and they will do their best to comply.

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By Anne Reith, Ph.D.

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